Can I help with anything?
Oh no, thanks, I’m good. (grumble…how can people sit and watch TV when I’m flying around this kitchen!) Dog barks…nobody jumps to let him out. (Geeeeese! Am I the only one here…as you let Rover out and do a semi-ticked-off slam of the door, further irritated when nobody seems to notice)
I have been known to get caught in the trap of “expecting” others to read my mind and getting really hurt when they don’t. I also have a “martyr” cape that I like to wear which seems to force me to say “no, really I’m fine (and by the way…I can do it all with no help but be careful…I’ll get reactive when the overwhelm sets in). Dang Martyr Cape!!
How about you? Can you relate to any of this? If you can, this weeks Holiday Thrive Tip is for YOU! (visualize a big holiday bow with tinsel and the smell of holly berries)
ALLOW GIVING IN THE FORM OF HELP
Lay down the cape, take a deep breath and say “Could someone please let the dog out” or “sure, would you please peel those potatoes” or how about “I can appreciate you all probably haven’t noticed but I’m pretty overwhelmed; there is a list of 5 little jobs here….who could grab what?” The key is to use a tone that says “I appreciate your support as I learn to take care of myself. I am worth it.”
Like all the work we do here, this is an inside job. Owning your worthiness, learning to ask for what you need and consciously acknowledging that people who love you cant read your mind is “the work” on this one.
Expect it to feel weird.
People have told me, “it felt self-indulgent”, “I wanted people to offer..I shouldn’t have to ask”, “I was afraid they might say NO and then what would I do?”. These are all possibilities that can arise when we show up to claim our worthiness. But you know what, YOU CAN DO THIS! And once you consciously try, navigate the outcome, and acknowledge your success you’ll be on your way to THRIVING and not just SURVIVING this season.